I broke up with my ex, when should I pay child support?
A look at when a child support obligation starts
Louis P. Grsaso
8/3/20252 min read
As soon as possible. Under American law, a parent owes a "duty" (a duty is an enforceable legal obligation) to support their children.
When you live with your significant other and raise a child together, you have fulfilled your duty of support. However, the moment you separate from your significant other, the duty of support starts and your state's "child support guidelines" kick in.
The child support guidelines are laws passed by each state that approximate the duty of support for each parent. In general, the guidelines try to approximate the discretionary income you would have paid to your ex had you remained a familial unit. The insidious part of the child support guidelines (and the thing that most parents are shocked to find out) is that (in most places) the guidelines kick in the moment you separate from your spouse. This fact is significant because I've seen guideline amounts as high as $2000 / month.
Therefore, it is important to begin to comply with your child support obligation as soon as you separate from your spouse. Otherwise, you may be in for a rude awakening if your ex comes after you for back-child support.
Think about this example. Say you and your spouse separated January 2023. You never paid child support. She sues you in January 2025 for child support arrears. If your guidelines obligation was $2000 / month, you now owe your ex $48,000 in child support arrears. To me, that is a significant liability. Now imagine if you separated 5 years ago...
Sadly, I see this situation all the time. I've seen many parents with tens of thousands of dollars in child support arrears with no short or long-term plan to get out from underneath that liability. The debt can life life-altering. House purchases get put off, credit is impacted, etc.
So if you're thinking about breaking up with your baby momma or father, my advice is to consult with an attorney to figure out your child support obligation. If it turns out you owe your ex money, work out an arrangement to pay it. Under no circumstances should you turn a blind eye to your child support. Your financial future could be severely impacted if you do.